Pseudo-Love – Pathology or Self-Deception?
Pseudo-Love – Pathology or Self-Deception
“All lovers swear to do more than they can and fail to do even what they can.”
* William Shakespeare
What do you think love is? Real, pure, selfless, and, most importantly, mutual love. In reality, true love is a very rare phenomenon. It always resembles a miracle.
Very often, people settle for substitutes – the many forms of pseudo-love.
Some believe that love is a child of sexual satisfaction and that if two people learn to satisfy each other, they will master the art of loving. I do not entirely agree with that.
Do you remember the line from the movie Love in the Big City: “And to you, young people, I would like to wish that what you drank to would be impossible without what I drank to”? If everything worked that way, perhaps men would be gentlemen more often.
A friend of mine says that when two people fall in love, it means they have found the best object on the market given their own exchange value.
Let’s be honest – everyone wants to be loved. No matter what people say, everyone wants it. The heart longs to feel those butterflies in the stomach.
Without love, life may be comfortable, exciting, enjoyable, and secure, but as long as a person is alive, the heart still asks for love.
And when the heart begins speaking louder than reason, confusion arises: is it love or infatuation?
This is exactly where one must be careful not to deceive oneself and create an idol.
Something along the lines of: “I made him from what I had, and then I fell in love with what I created.”
This is what we call pseudo-love.
Main Forms of Pseudo-Love
Pseudo-love consists of various forms of pathological attachment that often lead to suffering, disappointment, and emotional distress.
1. Possessive Love
This is the transition from infatuation to the illusion of ownership.
At the beginning of a relationship, both partners try to win each other over. But after marriage or once the desired goal has been achieved, the situation often changes.
There is no longer a need to win the other person because the partner is now perceived as property.
As a result, people stop working on themselves and stop trying to remain interesting and attractive to one another. Disappointment, resentment, and blame begin to emerge.
A question naturally arises: Are these really the same people they once were?
Usually, each partner searches for the cause of change in the other and feels deceived.
2. Worshipful Love
In this case, a person loses themselves in another person instead of finding themselves alongside them.
People often tend to idolize their partners, seeing them as the embodiment of happiness, light, and perfection.
However, no human being can live up to such expectations forever.
Sooner or later, disappointment arrives. The old idol falls, and a new one takes its place.
And it is precisely the loss of such a “deity” that often leads to the most painful consequences.
Fortunately, some people seek help from psychologists who assist them in understanding themselves instead of convincing them that love spells, curses, or other imagined influences are responsible.
3. Sentimental Love
This is love not for a real person, but for one’s own fantasies.
A person lives either in the past or in the future.
They constantly revisit former relationships and relive old emotions, or they dream about the perfect prince or perfect goddess.
Often, these images are shaped by movies, books, or childhood ideas about an ideal partner.
As a result, the person falls in love not with a living human being, but with an image created by their own imagination.
4. Neurotic Love
This is no longer love – it is dependency.
The same kind of dependency as alcohol addiction, drug addiction, or any other addiction.
Yet many people mistake it for true love.
A person loses faith in themselves and becomes willing to tolerate any treatment just to avoid being alone.
Thoughts begin to appear such as:
* “I can’t live without him (her).”
* “Without him (her), I don’t feel like a complete person.”
Neurotic love is accompanied by anxiety, jealousy, suspicion, and a constant fear of loss.
Even when the relationship appears healthy from the outside, the person continues searching for reasons to worry.
At its core, it is emotional dependency.
The Story of an Addictive Love
Once, a young man came to me who was desperately in love with a woman.
He helped her through difficult periods in life, supported her financially, drove her to clinics, and fulfilled all her wishes.
The wedding was approaching.
The dress, flowers, banquet hall, and guests – everything was ready.
But on the eve of the wedding, he returned home and found that she had packed her belongings and left.
She left only a note:
“I’m sorry. I’ve thought it through. I don’t love you. I’ve found someone else and I’m leaving with him.”
The young man began pursuing her.
He moved closer to where she lived, rented a place across from her house, lost his friends, his job, and his self-respect.
A year passed.
During all that time, he did not live his own life. He only suffered over the love he had lost.
Whenever people advised him to change his life, he replied:
“I can’t live without her. I’ll hang myself.”
Instead of working on himself, he searched for magicians who promised to bring her back.
This is often how dependency on magic begins.
A person becomes willing to give away everything to regain something that has long since lost its meaning.
Love or Fear of Loneliness?
Another form of neurotic love is escaping one’s own problems through excessive focus on a partner.
This is how symbiotic relationships develop – one partner dominates while the other submits.
And very often, such a union is mistakenly called love.
An Important Conclusion
We all want to be loved.
I genuinely feel sorry for people who, after emotional trauma, fall into the hands of pseudo-magicians promising love spells, eternal love, and instant happiness.
Remember: nothing is eternal.
Even the strongest relationships require attention and personal growth.
Personally, I do not believe it is enough to create an illusion or support someone’s fantasy.
Before trying to bring someone back into your life, you must first understand whether it is truly necessary.
Because today you may think that you love someone, while tomorrow you may realize that you were simply afraid of being alone.
And then it becomes clear that your ideal was not the only person in the world.
Since love is one of the most complex and delicate human emotions, almost every aspect of life depends on a person’s ability to love.
It is often said that:
* Faith without love makes a person a fanatic.
* Honor without love makes a person arrogant.
* Power without love makes a person a tyrant.
* Wealth without love makes a person greedy.
* Education without love makes a person hypocritical.
* Duty without love makes a person irritable.
* Justice without love makes a person cruel.
* Poverty without love makes a person envious.
Remember: besides magic, there is also psychology.
And if you cannot understand your feelings and relationships, we will gladly help you find answers to your questions and gain clarity.
Love magic is not something instantaneous. It is an art, just like the art of loving.
Therefore, be cautious of those who promise to restore what has been lost or grant eternal love.
Because nothing lasts forever.